tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post1630885403363743237..comments2023-12-05T01:48:14.962-05:00Comments on Married To A "Functioning" Alcoholic: I Am Married To A Functioning AlcoholicAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12589633523591657778noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-683883205662891432014-12-09T17:25:07.074-05:002014-12-09T17:25:07.074-05:00Beautifully written, I am also struggling with thi...Beautifully written, I am also struggling with this. Do you think that ultimatums are ok? I promise if he does not stop drinking I am leaving him but it is ok to tell him that?Shannonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-836025250852046772014-11-10T21:59:28.298-05:002014-11-10T21:59:28.298-05:00Thank you for having this blog!!! I had no idea t...Thank you for having this blog!!! I had no idea that there were so many people dealing with the same things I have been dealing with. This is my second marriage and I have 4 children. (2 with him). We will be married for 12 yrs and his drinking has gotten worse each day. He only drinks at home and will not drive or leave the house once he opens a beer. He isn't mean or degrating with his drinking, but my needs are not being fulfilled. I teach so I am with children all day long and then the main caregiver for our children at night. I need some adult time or conversation. We are just merely roommates that talk, but he doesn't remember anything that we have talked about the next day. He would rather drink that have sex and we always have to make sure we are home in time for "beer-thirty" or he will make sure he has a cooler in the car so he doesn't loose any time drinking. The main issues is that we have money issues and he spends all of our extra money on beer and cigs. It is very frustrating. I feel quilty if I want to spend anything on me and then I think...he spends all of this money why can't I treat myself to something. I am feeling neglected as a woman and wife and after living through one abusive relationship I just don't think I can do this again. (the first relationship was verbal abuse) I just don't want to go through another divorce. I love my husband and I know that his addiction is inherited from both his mom and his dad, but I just don't know how much longer I can deal with it all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-80359409042234189602014-10-06T15:36:49.771-04:002014-10-06T15:36:49.771-04:00I know your pain. I know your pain. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-11482236722816187532014-08-23T07:47:38.977-04:002014-08-23T07:47:38.977-04:00Same problem here with my husband, he is highly fu...Same problem here with my husband, he is highly functional, drinks beer from morning to night, falls asleep around 7 at night, can never watch a movie together, or stay out late, or even do anything, he seems not to have any interest then working , drinking and golf. No intimacy, feels like living with a roommate, says his drinking is not a problem, though he vomits every morning, falls down and hurts himself more often then not. Seems to forgets things easily, then sometimes not. On the other side, he is giving, he buys me a lot of stuff and I am wondering why, is it to keep me quiet and content just getting gifts, I've tried to explain to him that I would rather have his love, doing stuff as a couple, walking , we hardly laugh together, what am I missing here? do they give gifts to compensate? We have been separated 3 weeks and thinking of divorcing... not what I want, though I may not have a choice if I want to return being happy. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-31455800320585710662014-08-20T14:31:11.478-04:002014-08-20T14:31:11.478-04:00It is true. So many of these stories sound like m...It is true. So many of these stories sound like mine. My husband and I have not even been married for 2 years, but I have had many of these experiences already. This is his second marriage, my first. I didn't grow up with addictions; my parents never even drank. When my husband began drinking on a regular basis I didn't know what to do, how to react, anything. In many ways I still don't. So many things that are frustrating to me about our married life, I now wonder how much is because of the drinking. I am mostly responsible for his older three children, as well as our new baby. He does nothing around the house, with the bills, anything because he works outside the home for 12 hours a day. I also work full time, but because I am a professor, and need to work from home, it's not the same thing. We are in a financial mess, which is always my fault. I never appreciate all he does, the money his job brings in, or the fact that half the country drinks every night and it could be worse. I see what his drinking has done to his older children (particularly the oldest 2) and fear what will happen to our baby. As a Christian, divorce is not something I want, and there is always the concern that if we do divorce, he will get primary custody of our son.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-61312496005737049352014-08-12T00:21:25.553-04:002014-08-12T00:21:25.553-04:00The person's account above mimics much of my o...The person's account above mimics much of my own experience. At nearly 50 it seems hard to leave. Such complications and so much collateral damage to others. I am married to a highly functional alcoholic that is a master at keeping his addiction private. He is loved by everyone around him. The best guy around in most peoples opinion. They have no idea of what goes on in this home once it gets to be around 7 pm. He goes to bed drunk every night of the week. We have less and less in common. I appreciate this blog of sharing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-83752524623703884402014-08-08T12:30:28.579-04:002014-08-08T12:30:28.579-04:00I have been married to my husband since I was 17 a...I have been married to my husband since I was 17 and he was 19. We had our son 16 years ago this November. My husband can from a family with major addiction issues and I came a family full of dysfunction. He rescued me.<br /><br />I realized around the time I had my son that my husband was a functional alcoholic. He could drink a 12 pack of beer AND WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING WITHOUT A HANGOVER. When you consume that much alcohol every night, your body becomes immune and there is no longer a hangover. That should be a tell tell sign that your body no longer processes alcohol the way it is meant to. Most people begin to vomit, have a headache or pay the price for consuming to much alcohol the following day.<br /><br />I feel like beer has become a mistress in our relationship. I feel as though I have to compete against Bud Light which sucks, because the beer is always going to win. Every time I mention him having a drinking problem he tells me he is unhappy, loves me but not in love with me and he wants a divorce. <br /><br />I am 36 y/o, have had 3 failed back surgeries and a heart attack. I am permanently disabled and was finally granted my disability but it will not be enough to support my son and myself. I am at a breaking point and sometimes wish I were no longer on this earth. My son is showing major signs of bipolar depression, which runs in the family. He has a complete lack of respect for me or other adults including family. My husband has become lost in a different world and I am STUCK! I have waited too long to get out. <br /><br />I am at a loss. I want to move away from my home state and start fresh but financially I don't know if I can make it on my own. Please tell me if there are any of you in this situation... Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-72079557207767910922014-08-07T02:23:25.506-04:002014-08-07T02:23:25.506-04:00I love my husband, but it wasn't until the las...I love my husband, but it wasn't until the last year that I could totally admit that I am married to a functioning alcoholic. I feel very fortunate that he is not so bad that he drinks all day or can't go even one day without a drink. In fact when we go places with other people he is easily able to stop drinking, but as soon as we are back home it is back to the same thing. He cannot go more than a day without drinking. He cannot just have 1 drink, it has to be until he is drunk. If he drinks a pint, and realizes that it is too late to buy alcohol from the gas station, he will just go to the pool hall near by to finish getting drunk there. He rarely can get out of bed before 11 at best because he is either tired from being up late or hung over. Luckily he has a job where he works in the evenings. We are pretty broke. We both work part time and I go to school. We can be behind on every single bill that we have, but there is always money for beer. I love him and normally he is a great parent, but I just don't know what to do about it. I tried to hide the keys before, but he would get very hostile and terrifying. I am scared he will get a DUI and lose his job as a driver. I am scared he will hurt himself or someone else driving. I am scared that our boys will follow in his footsteps. Mostly, I am scared that things will never get better. I love him too much to expose him, so I make excuses and don't tell people. In fact, I have never told anyone all of this. Thank you for this blog. It feels good to get it off my chest and see that I am not alone. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-64972958585504776302014-08-04T18:52:10.316-04:002014-08-04T18:52:10.316-04:00I can't tell you how relieved I was to find yo...I can't tell you how relieved I was to find your blog. It is rare to come across something that is so detailed on a functioning alcoholic. I felt like I couldn't really say my husband was an alcoholic because he didn't fit the stereotype of falling down drunk, abusive, getting fired etc... but, when I realized just how MUCH he drank everyday, I knew what I was dealing with and all the signs that were there became clear. It has been about 6-7 years since I realized he was an alcoholic and I sought the help of Al-Anon. It really kept my sanity. We are in a different place now and I find he is constantly fighting with me and I never seem to do anything right. He says he's not attacking me and it's not personal, but, he's always yells at me and I'm getting very tired of his domineering ways. I have a 12 yr. old boy and a 10 yr. old girl. I feel like this has become such a tense home where everyone is walking on eggshells so as not to get him mad. I grew up in a very happy home and my parents have been married for 60 yrs. so, I hate that my children are surrounded by his anger. If I defend myself or tell him he's not being fair or reasonable, he gets mad and it becomes a fight. If I don't say anything and just take it, it sends a horrible message to my kids. Although this type of behavior and communication has always been there, it seems to occur at least 3/4 times a week now.He spends $800-$1000 on smoking and drinking every month, and I don't have a full time job, so I don't have the ability to leave right now. He's been a wonderful, loving husband and father over the years and a supportive and caring caregiver to me as I have MS. It's all so confusing. I know I need to get back to Al-Anon, but, it is very hard with the kids and their schedules etc. I will just have to find a way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-49799263889245733942014-08-01T11:59:53.230-04:002014-08-01T11:59:53.230-04:00my partner who i married 2 weeks ago is a function...my partner who i married 2 weeks ago is a functioning alcoholic , problem is we would sometimes drink together , i have stopped completely for over 1 mnth i know not long but i wasnt a heavy drinker , he wont even consider cutting down ,together 14 yrs it has caused alot of our problems ,another problem he has been my finacial supporter for a long time with me suffering some mental health issues i.e depression ,i feel so trappedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-50204780906914485592014-07-31T23:37:46.501-04:002014-07-31T23:37:46.501-04:00I dated an alcoholic for 6 years and each year tri...I dated an alcoholic for 6 years and each year tried to convince myself that I could live life without him. One month ago I decided that I could not. We got married and every since I have wondered if I lost my mind for doing so. Hearing everyone's stories has helped me realize that yes I am a little crazy but at least I'm not alone. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-3555815943110592812014-07-30T14:57:25.588-04:002014-07-30T14:57:25.588-04:00I'm so saddened that we're all dealing wit...I'm so saddened that we're all dealing with alcoholism in our spouse. I just finished reading all of your messages, and identify with many expressions of anger, deep sadness, worry, frustration, and fear for the future quality of my young marriage. <br /><br />I've been married only 3 years. I spotted red flags of alcohol abuse in my then boyfriend early on. Only now am I realizing the true seriousness of his alcoholism, and its effects on my emotional and mental well-being. <br /><br />We do love each other; however, his drinking (beer) is causing a disconnection and many morning after talks. It's the same talk over and over. It's breaking my heart to see him choosing beer over the health if our marriage. We have so much potential, but not if he doesn't help himself. <br /><br />I've started therapy, and he's agreed to go to couple's therapy (even though he said he'd "rather have my teeth pulled." There's always hope for a change, and I'll give it more time, but I won't give it a lifetime. I refuse to stay in an unhealthy marriage forever. Life is short and too valuable to not make the best of it. <br /><br />The best of luck to us all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-35930385124741057442014-07-17T21:38:33.165-04:002014-07-17T21:38:33.165-04:00Wow, what an eye opening blog. I have been marrie...Wow, what an eye opening blog. I have been married for 33 years and feel like I have been drowning for the last four. My husband always drank (as did I) the difference came when he began drinking daily and to excess on a regular basis. Every time I bring it up he tells me I am a "nag", a "bitch" overreacting and all the things everyone else has written about. After open heart surgery, he continues to drink daily - as much as 10 drinks per day. I told him yesterday that I am done - if he goes to detox, we may have a shot, if not, I am leaving. Sadly, I am not optimistic and am sadly believing that my marriage is likely over. He promised to go to detox (if I could find a place - talk about enabling!) I provided him with three names and phone numbers - now it is up to him. I found much comfort reading everyone's stories. This is a very lonely life as to the "outside" all appears normal and happy. Inside, I have been dying for 4 years - my soul is eaten away bit by bit and I feel so broken. The thought of leaving scares the hell out of me but the thought of living like this for another year sickens me... I will overcome my fear and will not allow myself to get weakened by his disease.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-1394818850774304682014-07-12T23:41:15.124-04:002014-07-12T23:41:15.124-04:00Honestly, you have no kids and I am kind of jealou...Honestly, you have no kids and I am kind of jealous. I keep telling myself that if kids were not involved I would leave. But I know that he was an alcoholic before our kids, but thought he would be somehow changed by the kids. He hates his father so much because his father is the one that gave him alcohol at 12 yrs old. But at 44 how long can you continue to use that excuse. Am I expecting too much?<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-5955771144338284762014-07-12T23:38:05.949-04:002014-07-12T23:38:05.949-04:00From time to time I read up on Functioning Alcholi...From time to time I read up on Functioning Alcholic. I think I am looking for something magical or maybe just to know there are others out there. My husband of 12 years is a functional alcoholic. I remember the moment in time I knew he had a problem. It was before we married and oh how I wish I can go back to that moment and make better decisions. I've made good decisions most of my life, how did I go wrong here. We have 3 kids and he is really mean to the oldest. I am fearful of him around my oldest. They always get into an argument. How do you get into such a serious argument with a 9 yr old? My child actually have times that he does not want to be around his dad. Drinking is everynight. Its vodka and wine usually. Many bottles are hidden and "discretely" taken out on garbage day when he thinks I am not seeing it. He thinks that because he drinks at home that I am lucky he is not at a bar. He actually told me that. Also told me he will probably never give it up. Every two weeks or less he spends about 70 dollars on vodka...the cheapest kind. That is about 7 bottles of vodka in two weeks. Every morning he needs pills to stop the headaches. I had enough. Last week he was up until 1:30am drinking then came to bed (a rare thing) and tried to be intimate. I was disgusted by the smell, the situation, the fact that I've allowed this for so long. He still had his vodka drink next to the bed. He has work in the morning...how can you hide that so well at work? <br />I have three kids and do not know how to begin to tell them that I no longer love their father or want to live with him. That would so break their little hearts. They love him. He can be great with them, but only when he wants to. He is very selfish with his time. Most time he wants for himself. Work during the day and gaming/movies/drinking at night until he passes out. He actually thinks his "sleep problem" excuse works still. He snores horribly and I can no longer take it. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-58968508916589702202014-07-11T22:12:42.077-04:002014-07-11T22:12:42.077-04:00Sad. It's like reading about my life over and...Sad. It's like reading about my life over and over again. I too have a roommate who chooses beer over sex. He would rather have beer over food and takes terrible care of himself. We also never go anywhere together. My kids know. Recently he has started driving after a few (like 6) to get beer if he runs out. I don't know what to do other than work at being the best mom I can be. However, someday the kids will be grown and then I can be free. I pray for him to realize how much the beer is affecting our lives, but somehow talking about it just makes me the crabby nagging wife. <br /><br />His mother knows and thankfully is on her grandchildren's side, and is incredibly supportive.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-45991546994809217582014-07-11T01:29:02.567-04:002014-07-11T01:29:02.567-04:00My husband claims he is not an alcoholic. He is o...My husband claims he is not an alcoholic. He is obsessed with alcohol and sex. He blames all our problems on me. When I was younger I believed him. Now I don't believe him. He is cruel and hurtful and does not care about me. Yet I still think there is a chance. Not sure how to let go of the hope. Financially it will be difficult to split up and in my mind I wish we could be one of those couples that continues to live together while taking steps towards divorce but that would be too painful and worse than what we have now. I need to tell him he must quit now or lose his family and follow through. He has proven over and over that his choice in life is alcohol. Not sure why I still hope he will realize it is a disease and get help. After 19 years, I need to prepare myself for life without him. I may lose all the material things I have but find joy in my heart again. I have to be ready to lose big to gain big. I cannot save him or fix our marriage. I have to let go before he pulls me under.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-22169777537936843462014-07-03T09:45:37.392-04:002014-07-03T09:45:37.392-04:00Today I stumbled onto this blog....It is like I fo...Today I stumbled onto this blog....It is like I found someone I could talk too. Where have you been? I am in my third marriage with 4 of the greatest kids in the world. Their mother is a functioning alcoholic. She drinks roughly 24 oz of wine every night. She can not afford the good wine so she buys a step up from the rock gut stuff. I left her almost a year ago trying to keep a relationship with my kids. However, I found my kids spiraling down; poor grades, anger, manipulation. Last week I moved back in. She freely drinks to the point of intoxication with my kids around and their friends. My kids have learned to wait till she is drunk in order to get her buy things for them or get money out of her. About 5 years ago she had a gastric bypass surgery. She gets drunk faster than most. I have beg, pleaded and threaten her to get help. She does not feel she has a problem. My wife has left me emotionally for a bottle of wine. Our marriage is over, but I have to protect my children. What do I do? I wake up every day asking myself that. thanks for letting me ventAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-39608112356274994742014-06-22T13:33:52.133-04:002014-06-22T13:33:52.133-04:00I found this blog yesterday after searching for &q...I found this blog yesterday after searching for "functioning alcoholic husband". I have done hundreds of "alcoholic" related searches over the past 5+ years, but never found anything as valuable as this. I literally started sobbing as I read through some of the posts and comments.<br /><br />I am a very private person which is why I have not yet attended an Al Anon meeting, although I am quite certain it would help me. Also, we are well-known in the community, and I just couldn't stand to have anyone else know. I am hopeful that this blog will be a substitute as I am already feeling tremendous feelings of relief. I wasn't planning to post my story, again because I just hate putting my "stuff" out there. However, it didn't seem fair to benefit from hearing all of your stories and not be willing to share mine. Maybe someone else will be helped by what I write.<br /><br />I am 45 and have been married for 25 years. My husband (50) has had a drinking problem, which he openly admits, for at least 10 years, and it has gotten progressively worse. He suffers from depression and low self-esteem which we are both sure contributes to his drinking. His drink of choice is beer (average 10/day), and it affects him in different ways depending on how quickly he drinks it. Sometimes it's verbal abuse, sometimes just ridiculous conversation, sometimes he's completely normal. For the most part, the drinking is only later in the day (continues until bed). When he is not drinking, he is an amazing person. Very successful in his job, spend a lot of time volunteering in the community, and is an extremely dedicated father. I think most people would be shocked to know that he is an alcoholic.<br /><br />I have done so many of the things posted here....counted, tried to offer suggestions for getting "help", expressed anger, dumped out beer, etc. I also dread coming home from work each day because I never know what kind of night it is going to be. My husband has a home office, so often he has started drinking before I arrive. I have to properly time important discussions so that I get a sober point of view. I have struggled with whether or not this is my fault and why I can't fix him.<br /><br />Luckily, our two daughters (21 and 23) are away at college most of the time and don't have to deal with it very often. We have not openly discussed the problem, but they are not stupid, and I'm sure are well-aware of this issue. While this situation is very difficult for me to live with, my biggest concern is how they will be affected. So far, they are both very intelligent, successful women (one in med school, one currently applying to med school) who drink very rarely in social outings. I also worry about them losing respect for their father who I know has a lot to offer them.<br /><br />Although I consider it daily, I do not want to leave. I am a strong Catholic who respects my marriage vows and is committed to keeping my family intact. I feel like this blog is going to help me save myself and my marriage. <br /><br />Thank you for this blog and to all you who have commented. You are my angels and my best friends even though I have never met you. God bless you all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-59822334410944836982014-06-17T23:59:11.686-04:002014-06-17T23:59:11.686-04:00Refreshing to find something, someone who knows wh...Refreshing to find something, someone who knows what my life is like. We have been married for 4 years, both young, no kids. This is a nigh mere and I don't know where to go from here. It was the last straw when he called the cops on me claiming I pushed him and he fell in his drunken stuper. I got arrested (have never been in trouble in my life). Now my future and career are in the line because he chooses to drink. I once again have taken the brunt of his drinking. I know I should leave but I am scared of what will happen to him when I go. I fear he will drink himself into a coma or fall and hurt himself. It's so hard bc we are young and I should make the decision now. The love I once had for him is no longer there. I miss him and how we use to be. I don't know where to go from here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-59534546523332263802014-06-07T06:32:55.769-04:002014-06-07T06:32:55.769-04:00My wife is a functioning alcoholic. We have been m...My wife is a functioning alcoholic. We have been married 14 years, have a 10 year old son, and 13 year old daughter. I love her very much but know our relationship has been affected by her drinking ( and my own failure do confront it). The kids know she has a problem, my daughter has asked me to front up, but I have never truly done so. I guess I'm afraid of the explosion of verbal and emotional abuse that would result ( though it can happen anyway when she has had too much). There seems to be a tipping point, so that one minute she can be happy and affectionate, and 2 more sips past the 4th or 5th large glass of wine she transforms into this mean, angry and abusive person. She will drink during the day, never enough to appear drunk, but has been convicted of driving over the limit once - and she still risks it! - refuses to use the home breathalysers I bought for both our cars. <br />I want to think there is hope- some of the posts here have left me pretty depressed. I do not want to divorce, I want my friend, my love and my wife to come back and be able to control her life.<br />I was thinking of contacting our local alcohol counseling service next week, and with their guidance confronting her. But now am scared by the post saying this is lose/lose I.e the alcohol always wins, and there is permanent resentment if this is done.<br />Hoping someone will have positive advice. ThanksAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-82461160273330003982014-06-06T18:02:25.649-04:002014-06-06T18:02:25.649-04:00Having separated from my husband of 16 years in Ap...Having separated from my husband of 16 years in April, I just wanted to return to the blog which gave me strength and the knowledge that other people are going through similar things to me. I waited a long time, years really before I faced the truth of living with a functioning alcoholic. <br />I am still sad and grieving for the relationship I thought I had, but looking back now, I fooled myself for a long time. You don't crumblewhen you split up, you stay strong. Kids keep you strong. I was alone and lonely in my relationship anyway. And now I don't have to I worry so much about him (I still do a bit) but at least I can have the chance to be happy and do things I want to do. Its a revelation to me, so I am sharing it to hopefully give others hope. Don't put up with being treated disrespectfully. You don't deserve it, and life is too short.<br />I'm not saying Its easy, but its weird, its not as hard as you think to change your life when you actually do it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-23248384412790291602014-06-06T09:40:52.553-04:002014-06-06T09:40:52.553-04:00I have only been married to my husband for three y...I have only been married to my husband for three years, and it took me awhile to figure out why he would be so mean and verbally abusive at times to me. While we were dating, he hid it from me very well. Now I know the signs...his eyes are glossy..he talks more and has grand ideas about things he is never actually going to do or has ideas about all of the things I need to start doing or do differently....he never thinks I am listening to him and requests over and over that I look at him in the eyes..he repeats the same things over and over again....he is overly happy sometimes for a bit and as he sobers up, he gets angry or sleeps upstairs thinking I have no idea he has been drinking. I am now 30 and we started dating when I was 25 (two years after my big brother and best friend took his own life) I say this because the first time I realized he was choosing alcohol over me was when I didn't want to go out for my 26th birthday because I was missing my brother and in a really sad mood. He yelled at me and ended up leaving me alone so he could go drinking. That hurt me so bad. I have almost left him countless times, but he goes from mean and yelling to crying and apologizing and I am afraid that if I leave him, he will do what my brother did.<br /><br />We have a 4 month old and my husband told me he would quit drinking when the baby came and I stupidly believed him. He leaves us alone most nights while he sleeps upstairs and drinks in secret..even though I know what he is up to. He must hide his drinks most of the time bc I never find the bottles or anything when I clean. We recently combined our bank accounts and have a shared credit card and now I can look and see when he has taken out money for liquor or stopped at gas stations or bars to pick up liquor. I once totalled all of the presumed alcohol charges and he had spent well over 100 dollars in a matter of weeks on liquor.....this was eye-opening to me because I had no idea he was drinking so much.<br /> He often convinces me that I am blowing things out of proportion and that he doesn't have a real problem because he drinks way less than he used to and he prides himself by saying that I often had no idea he was drinking for a long time. He still doesn't think I can tell, even when I tell him I know he has been drinking.<br /> Now that I have a baby I am so furious at him when he tries to argue with me. I normally try to get quiet and remove myself from the situation, but he follows me and gets angrier and says I disrepect him by not wanting to talk with him. No matter the issue he wants to discuss, I already know I cannot win by anything I say bc it always angers him. The only time I was able to make him stop yelling and cursing at me was when he followed me into our babie's room, where the baby was sleeping, and kept yelling even though I asked him to stop. I snapped and put my hands around his throat and told him to shut up. He was so stunned he went to the couch and cried and then told me I was crazy and had the problems. I did feel really bad about putting my hands on him, but now that I have my son, I feel so less tolerant of his behavior. I am at a point now where I think I can finally leave him if he keeps this up because I am not willing to put my baby into the middle of his tyrades.<br /><br />I am hurt and angry that he doesn't want to be intitmate with me and that he would rather be alone drinking than interacting with his family. I am also angry at his family because his parents were terrible parents when he needed them most. His father gave him meth in HS and was his drinking and smoking buddy. My husband has quit smoking and many other addictive behaviors but this last one he seems to want to hang onto. <br /><br /> I feel like screaming at his parents for setting him up for failure but I never do. I am so mad and frustrated.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-16969230622235858252014-06-04T13:59:11.152-04:002014-06-04T13:59:11.152-04:00I am a 29 year old married to a 40 year who is a h...I am a 29 year old married to a 40 year who is a high functioning alcoholic with two live in sons. We have been together 11 years. No matter what I do or what I say, he just does not believe that he has a problem. He is son to a functional alcoholic who began heavily drinking after serving in the Marines. His mother was also a functional alcoholic who most likely began drinking with her husband. His brother and the friends he grew up with are also all functional alcoholics. When I met him, I did not know that drinking was such a big deal. I wasn't much of a drinker myself and drank on special occasions or celebrations. Since he and his brother lived with his parents, I noticed that they would all drink almost everyday. Alcohol appeared to be a top priority in the household because it was always around. My husband and his brother would hide beer in their rooms so no one can take the last ones. I know this because I would see the beer cans. His father would always praise beer and knew about so many different kinds but dedicated himself to budweiser. They all thought it was funny when they would see their mom passed out in the front room on a chair or staggering. After awhile, my husband and I got our own apartment where his drinking became heavier. He would basically drink when ever he felt the urge or had a long day at work. He invested in cases, 18 packs, 12 packs and 6 packs of tall cans because they are larger than the 12 oz cans. He would get drunk and would verbally abuse me all the time. He would make me feel so bad about myself that I began to believe it and still have a self image to this day! After several years of the verbal abuse, I cheated on him a few years before we got married. I was such in an emotional state that I just wanted to be with someone sober and who didn't constantly rip me down. I did not tell him until a year later and it broke his heart. I do not feel good about what I did and can't believe that I even did it. I was faithful to him for years and never pictured myself with another man, even though he mistreated me when drunk. I knew he loved me when sober. The year is 2014 and we now have rules that he cannot drink during the week. However, these rules are broken every month. Even though he sin't allowed to drink as much as he used too, he still cannot let it go. If I don't say anything, he will over drink on the weekends with his brother. A 12 pack each and a bottle if it is craved. At home, he will buy 2-3 24 ounces on whatever weekend day he feels like it. I find myself drinking more and more because he does and that is not who I am. If I stay with him, I can see us turning into his parents without the happiness and enjoyment since we often clash when drunk. I don't know what to do because he is such a great guy sober. He is a manager, has a great job and is very handy. I am so stressed and depressed and no longer desire having sex with him. I do not want to make-out with him either. All I think about is his drinking and feel so alone because no one else sees the bad since he is so good. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04728743053196140495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159073356151966689.post-87330162298535335912014-06-01T11:24:34.091-04:002014-06-01T11:24:34.091-04:00I am terrified. I am about to marry the love of my...I am terrified. I am about to marry the love of my life but after seven years am coming to terms with the fact that he has alcohol issues. It is so hard though because he is extremely functional but yet there is secret drinking, once he starts he cannot stop, he drinks way more than everyone in every setting and there are many nights where i feel embarrassed that he is loaded while everyone else is casually having a few drinks. I keep telling myself that he is not an alcoholic but just likes beer and needs the release and that there are no real negative impacts. I just tried speaking with him about it since both my therapist and my friends have been concerned. he does not see that there is a problem and he does not want to go to counseling. it is so difficult because we love to entertain and we have a large group of great friends but drinking is always a part of every weekend so i do not want to force him to go cold turkey but i also do not know if he can ever have any sort of limit once he starts…i am so confused. i might start going to alanon just to have some support.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com